Nickname

I've never had a proper nickname. There have been attempts, but nothing has ever stuck. That's mostly because I haven't been the warmest, most fun-loving guy in the world, the kind of guy that people would think of all affectionately, enough to have a cutesy shorthand for eternal reference.

The most recent nickname is not really a nickname but is some hybrid of sorts simply because I have no blood relation to the cool little gal that calls me by this name:

Uncle D.

Fitting. Perfect.

It is certainly better than "The Doog," something that I tried to keep alive ever since high school Spanish class.

A close second is "The Reverend" or "Reverend Mo" from my Army days.

I had a homeroom teacher who gave everyone a nickname, and since I apparently didn't make that much of an impression on him, he just blurted out some half-ass mangling of my last name and that stuck for him: "Moocow." Have a guffaw, it's free.

I'm surprised no one ever attempted to call me "Drug Mowbray." Too obvious? Too much guilt for enabling?

Perhaps I have a nickname amongst certain groups of people, the kind of name I would never hear directly.

I'm not looking for something to be on my tombstone. In fact, I hope I don't have a tombstone, nor a tomb.

And I don't think it is in me to make an attempt this late in life to be considered affectionately. That ship done sailed.

But, I would like to have a nickname ready in the off-off-off chance that someday I will enter the ring as a professional boxer (or at the very least, which is really one of my heart's very most: boxing photographer), I'm going to need a pithy handle.

The Marauder?

It's alliterative, but not appropriate.

Think I'll need some help with this one.

Complete This Joke

A friend of mine wrote half a joke but was unable to finish it.

Task: I will write the joke; you supply the punchline. Pass this around to all your friends, post bulletins on MySpace, etc., and let's collect as many punchlines as we can. Here goes:

What's the difference between Jesus and a scarecrow?

1. One is a character in a fantasy book that was put up on a stick to scare poor, stupid creatures from fucking with the money-producing crops of rich landowners...

...and the other was in "The Wizard of Oz."

2. Scarecrows don't need twelve disciples to believe in them.
3. You save three nails on a scarecrow.
4. Really, who wants the fucking blood of Christ on their hands??
5. A scarecrow just needs a holey post.
6. Corn fields are MUCH cleaner (and smell nicer) than your average golgotha.
7. After a few days, a good Jesus just starts to rot and stink.
8. If you told someone "My Scarecrow told me to do," you would actually get the mental help you need.
9. Jesus loves me, this I know.... haven't heard shit from that scarecrow. And he owes me $20.
10. [Insert punchline here.]